Don’t Forgive – Don’t Be Hateful

This is essentially how I go through life…I don’t forget or dwell, and I don’t forgive – but, I’m not hateful. Those who think that I am, are seeing me reflecting themselves back at them…and they can’t stand it. It is what it is.

BJØRN ANDREAS BULL-HANSEN

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In my part of the world, and especially in Scandinavia, we are constantly told that we should forgive. By forgiving those who did us wrong, we are supposed to become free and able to move on with our lives. Forgiveness has become such an ideal for us that we tend to view those who don’t forgive as hateful and mean individuals. But in reality, those who never feel an obligation to forgive might be the healthiest individuals around.

Let’s put things where they belong. The concept of forgiveness comes from religion. It does not come from the human sciences. No professional psychologist will try to make you forgive — they know that our minds just don’t work that way. So by suggesting that someone shold «forgive and move on», we know that it’s really only that last part — the «move on» — that is sensible advice. The first part…

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